emo_on_demand

Tue, 05 Sep 2006 03:20:18 GMT

I'm going to switch over to only freeware programs. No more photoshop for me. Hopefully GIMP will be sufficient.

Finished

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 11:38:41 GMT

Finally finished my layout for myspace. Just gotta remember how to code HTML now. I might cheat and use a program like dreamweaver or something. Critique please. ^_^

Making Another Move!?

Tue, 24 Jan 2006 22:55:36 GMT

Hey everyone, I'm making one more move in my LJ life. I wanted to get a name token thing but honestly I don't have the fifteen dollars to switch my name. So I am soon going to be updating under the name capitalistdogma. Got it from the song 'Admit It!' by Say Anything. I really love the song. Everyone please be sure to add me. I'm sure my next few updates shall be interesting. Topics: Being Emo, Lesbians, Four Walls, boredom, religion, my anger towards politics.

Step through the door.

Fri, 06 Jan 2006 18:48:49 GMT

There are many doors in life that I have just realized today. The door I just so happened to walk through today was door 230. A classroom. My freshman orientation at BCTC. You know, when I first walked in everyone looked over at me. It made me feel a tad bit nervous. Now I'm like, I so rofl pwn these guys because I'm in the spotlight. They're all looking at me. I'm important enough to grab their attention. Even if they do have very short attention spans. Last year I always thought of myself as being able to walk through one door. There was only one path in front of me. Sadly that door was depression. All I ever did was look at the negatives in life. In school, relationships, casual conversations, etc etc. Well, for the most part. There were times when I just let loose and didn't look towards the negative. However, for the most part I was depressed. Now though, I've noticed that I can take a lot of directions in life. That is, if I'm willing to reach out towards doors that might be up a flight of stairs or maybe aren't illuminated by red exit signs. Today at orientation I felt like just sitting still and being quiet. Try to not notice anyone or have anyone notice me. I was not able to do that. Right when I walked in I chose a seat in the middle of the room. No one was seated in the chairs right beside me, but their were people seated next to those empty spots. I glanced over and basically noticed that I had sat close to the 'class clown' of the group. I have a knack for finding these people. So yeah, I'm somewhat of a clown myself. We didn't know each others names but we had fun and enjoyed the long boring three hour presentation. I am not meant to sit still and stay quiet. I'm meant to reach out. It's in my nature. I've just realized this. I don't write in paragraphs. I need to work on that. Oh, I have four classes this semester.

Here's my weekly schedule:

Friday: (Work :: 10pm-7am) (School :: 8am-12pm) (Study/Free Time :: 12pm-3pm) (Sleep :: 3pm-9pm)

Saturday: (Work :: 10pm-7am) (Workout :: 8am-9am) (Study/Free Time :: 9am-3pm) (Sleep :: 3pm-9pm)

Sunday: (Work :: 10pm-7am) (Study/Free Time :: 7am-3pm) (Sleep :: 3pm-9pm)

Monday: (Work :: 10pm-7am) (School :: 8am-12pm) (Study/Free Time :: 12pm-3pm) (Sleep :: 3pm-9pm)

Tuesday: (Work :: 10pm-7am) (Workout :: 8am-9am) (Study/Free Time :: 9am-3pm) (Sleep :: 3pm-9pm)

Wednesday: (Study/Free Time :: 9pm-7am) (School :: 8am-12pm) (Study/Free Time :: 12pm-3pm) (Sleep :: 3pm-9pm)

Thursday: (Study/Free Time :: 9pm-7am) (Workout :: 8am-9am) (Study/Free Time :: 9am-3pm) (Sleep :: 3pm-9pm)

This is subject to change. On the days I do have school, I have four classes to attend. Each being one hour in length. Sociology, College Algebra, English 101, and History. I could have easily made my way into the Calculus class at BCTC because of my ACT score in math. However I really need to brush up on my basic math skills. So anyways, I for once have a fairly solid schedule. The first time in my life. It feels really good. I felt very independent today at BCTC. Like I only need me to succeed. Yes, I do like other people in my life. Don't get me wrong about that. However, from here on out I'm going to meet a lot of people that are going to fade in and out. I am my only one constant. So I better be happy with myself. I am right now. Well I guess that's about it for now.

Record.

These days, I'm changing all my strings

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 12:44:02 GMT

I was so angry tonight at work. I seriously wanted to blow up on everyone. I didn't though. I didn't get mad at my managers even though they made me do stupid stuff. I succeeded finally. At least for today. Guess I'll take this one day at a time. Even if I were to be lonely from here on out, I'm going to keep this behaivor up. Maybe one day they'll all notice again. In my anger though I was coming up with my own catchy tunes. To bad I didn't write them down. They flowed pretty good and made sense. I can't remember them now. =(

Things I learned in 2005:
True friends will stay with you through thick and thin.
Never take advantage of a situation.
Love is not won in a day.
You can get rid of the monsters inside.
Lying, even if it's to try not to hurt someone, should never be a solution to a problem.
Chinese food gets expensive if you eat it every week.

Things to do in 2006:
Make Brittiany believe in me. (I really fucked it up in 2005)
Listen to more music.
Start college.
Stop bitching so much.
Stop lying (I haven't lied thus far...only a day into this year though)
Make up for the one big mistake in my life.
Get a bigger vocabulary.
Stop stressing out over little things.
Move out.
Read more books.
Enjoy the outside.

There are a ton of other items that I could include in those lists. However, for now those are good. They are the main points. It feels like I just lost something. I have another patch to fix. This one though I won't wait so long. I can't run away from this one. Found a new band I like. 'Guster'. Pretty good stuff. Anyways, I'm sure I'll update in the next hour or so. I tend to have a lot to write. I just can't write it in one sitting. Need to take a shower, just got off of work. Normally I would be all 'I'm quitting LJ guys.' I'm quite depressed. About actions I've taken. I'm not going to puss out though. I know if I stop writing, I'll come back in a month or so. So I'll just keep writing. I'm an LJ whore for life I guess. I'll keep it up! Maybe I'll make this a public post. Try to get some new LJ friends. *laughs* Five bucks says no one adds me. =)

Talk.

Cold December

Sat, 31 Dec 2005 13:02:00 GMT

I heard this song last night around 6pm. I was laying down and wow it made my heart speed up. It's hard to find a song that does that. Just now I looked up the lyrics because, I guess it's just me or something but I have a hard time hearing words in songs. Anyways, it's kind of eerie in some respects due to recent events. I love it though. Aiden is becoming a favorite band of mine.

Cold December-

Those nights we walk together
I couldn't sleep
Well I still remember what you wore now
It was the cold december air
the way the rain hit your hair but then
I woke up from a dream I can't repair
and then realized
how far I'd finally come
Well the damage that's been made
The hurt I've caused can never be erased
only until now
can we disappear
Now

I walked alone some nights
thinking of the time
we laid your soul to rest
This disillusion comforts me
I wait for you sometimes
but always feel my life
is flashing way to fast
We never had a second chance
So when was my place branded
faithless lost again
So when was my place branded
faithless lost my friend

I will never trust and
label death as my only defense
I will never trust again
I will never trust and
label death as my only defense
I will never love again
I still remember when your

You were found
and we were bored
let's live
one more time

I've made my way this life's
taken so much time to manufacture grace
I feel the darkness fall
I can remember times when so much
Love and hate made something more than
Haste
It made me push you more
So when are we supposed to leave this place
Why you not me
So when were we supposed to climb on top of grace
From your cold hands
and your dead eyes
From your cold
Hands I Cry

I will never trust and
label death as my only defense
I will never trust again
I will never trust and
label death as my only defense
I will never love again
I will never trust and
label death as my only defense
I will never love again
I still remember that cold december

Tue, 29 Nov 2005 15:41:24 GMT

Getting your hair cut is seriously one of the best feelings in the world.

Riddle

Tue, 18 Oct 2005 18:51:15 GMT

Well in all my strangeness today I've thought up a riddle of some sort. I think it can be called a riddle at least. It has an answer. See if you can figure it out. Pretty simple actually. The clue:

Children are not our future. Children are our past.

Answer: How???

Yeah it's strange and that's probably very obvious to some but Meh. I'm so bored and there is no one to ever talk to.

Thu, 29 Sep 2005 08:00:19 GMT

Can you guys throw out some strange words, or some that are interesting. I'm trying to think up a name for a personal website. I need some inspiration.